Tag Archives: Goals

Getting Ready for Thanksgiving

Mid-November is apparently the time of year when things almost fall on my car. This photo is from November 12^th, 2015:

And here’s today’s photos:

I could have been driving on Route 44 when that big honkin’ tree came down! Talk about kick-in-the-pants gratitude. I always welcome these small moments into my life that remind me how truly lucky I am.

There is a downside to this fallen tree (HAHA, downside – get it?). It stopped me from meeting up this morning with one of my writing partners. She was, of course, understanding and gracious about my last-minute cancellation. I just hate wasting people’s time and she didn’t get any of my emails informing her of my blocked street.

I also don’t get the benefit of discussing writing craft with her, sharing our weekly writing updates on our projects, and commiserating over the long and arduous path to publication. Since next week is Thanksgiving, it will be a few more weeks before we can reconnect again. So, I’m doubly bummed about missing out on all the writing fun we have together.

In the meantime, my husband and I will be traveling to Harrisburg, PA, to spend the holiday with my parents, brother, and niece. I’m quite looking forward to it and this will be the first real test since September to see if my writing and exercise habits that I’ve been developing stick.

I’m at the half-way point towards my 20-minutes-a-day, 6-days-a-week interval training goal. Using Dr. Christine Carter’s The Sweet Spot as my guide, I’m building this habit slowly, by tacking on an extra minute of cardio every week to my already established 20-minutes-a-day, 6-days-a-week strength training regime. For example, today I lifted weights with my upper body for 20 minutes and then I alternated in 30-second increments of frenetic dancing with marching/dancing in place for a total of 10 minutes.

Confession: Today I exercised a little bit longer so I could finish dancing to Justin Timberlake’s Can’t Stop the Feeling. I dare you to try listening to it and not dancing to the entire song.

Normally, I abide by my strict time limits because I don’t want to get ahead of myself and then build the activity too quickly. I know myself too well and that is a surefire way for me to burnout and then give up.

Adding one minute on each week seems to be the trick for me to keep up with this routine. Although sometimes I forget that my morning exercise routine now takes longer than 20 minutes and I do occasionally feel rushed.

Anyway, it’s easy to have my morning habits in place when I follow the same pattern every day: Get up around 5:30-6:30am, feed the dogs and let them out, hand write 2 pages of my latest novel, hand write a prayer to start my day, which will also serve as a first draft prayer for a daily devotional I’m writing, meditate for 20 minutes, and then workout.

With the time I’ll be in Harrisburg and the few days after that in which I’ll be staying with my niece in Washington, DC, there’s sure to be disruption along the way.

One of the keys to disruptions that Dr. Carter writes about in The Sweet Spot is to have a plan already in place so you know how to deal with them.

I expect the biggest disruption will be that my daily wake-sleep schedule will completely fall apart. Traveling makes me feel even more tired than usual and I tend to have very vivid dreams when my schedule is disrupted. If I wake up feeling exhausted, then I’m less likely to get out of bed in a timely manner. Then, when I do get up other people in the house are awake and my concentration and time is diverted.

This solution will be easy enough because I’ve had many mornings this past fall where I’ve struggled to get out of bed. I don’t like writing in bed, but sometimes it’s the compromise I make for being productive and respecting my narcolepsy. So, I’ll sleep with my notebook and a pen on the side of my bed. I’ll also keep my phone and headphones nearby. That way I can also meditate before getting up.

Note to self – un-install social media and gmail apps on my phone, lest I get distracted by those time wasters before accomplishing any of my usual morning goals.

I suppose I could also visualize exercising before getting up, which is my current fallback plan for if I am too exhausted to get out of bed. But that hasn’t happened yet and I want to use it as a last resort.

If once I am up and about, I’m unable to exercise the way I’d like, my backup plan is to do short, mini-exercises for one-minute increments throughout the day sneaking them in whenever I can. Ideally, I’d hit 20 increments but 10 is going to be my starting point. Again, this is a fall back plan so hopefully the 10 versus 20 increments is a moot point.

I’m kind of excited to see how it goes; the other parts of me are worried I’ll chuck everything by the wayside and spend my days gorging on junk food and reclining on the couch. Psychology tells us that most of what we worry about is imaginary, but having succumbed to the treats at my parents’ house and the comfortableness of the couch one to many times over the past few years, I know this a real and valid concern.

But if nothing else, I have learned by forming my new habits that just because I have behaved a certain way in the past, doesn’t mean I have to behave that way in the future. It’s up to me to make my choices and I know I will do my best. That’s all I can ask.

Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving next week! I am so grateful for your love and support.

The Positive Ways Narcolepsy Has Affected My Life

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Title

After writing last week about how frustrated and angry I felt with having narcolepsy, a funny thing happened. I began to feel better about the situation.

Initially, I debated even writing that post. Narcolepsy is a part of my life, but I didn’t want my struggles with it to define me. I wondered if I shared my feelings, would I suddenly be “that person who can’t cope.”

Why that would bother me is a post for another day, but in retrospect, I realized it was silly to think a one-time post would become the essence of who I am as presented to the world, more so than my dozens of posts about writing, playing with dogs, procrastinating, and dreaming about seeing bears in the wild.

Instead, I felt free from the hold that my poor-quality sleep had on me. Once I got out all my feelings, the anger and resentment stayed on the screen and allowed me head space to start moving on. I thought to myself, well, if this is how it’s going to be for the rest of my life, does that change anything? I realized, no, it did not. I still have goals and dreams I’m working towards and I’m not going to stop. I may be more tired along the way, but I didn’t come this far to quit now.

My gratitude habit also kicked in about 24 hours after I wrote that post. For years now, I have either written prayers of gratitude for the blessings in my life or I have practiced gratitude in a meditative form. I honestly could not help but think of all the ways narcolepsy has improved my life. The biggest way is that I realized if I only have so much energy to expend, then it’s going to go towards things I value the most:

prioritizing my health

writing

being an animal enthusiast

Snake

serving others with the best of my talents

COP

connecting to nature

traveling to new places (preferably with my husband and/or family)

Library

growing my spirituality

and now that I’m married, loving my husband as much as I possibly can (super easy; he’s such a good person and so cute!)

Not on the list of things I valued was being an associate professor of psychology, and so my narcolepsy was one of the biggest motivating factors to give me the courage to quit my job, and give up tenure, amazing benefits, and a matching retirement account. Thank you, narcolepsy.

I also didn’t expect the amount of love and support I received from friends and family who read my post. My phone blew up with blog comments, Facebook comments, IMs, emails, and pictures of polar bears, all from people who wanted me to know they heard what I had to say. I received validation, empathy, and sympathy, and let me tell you it felt really good.

These responses were especially meaningful to me because there was a time when I lived a rather isolated experience. At that time, my closest friend at work had moved on, my office had changed locations to accommodate my narcolepsy so I could have a space with natural sunlight from a window and my new suitemates didn’t have the same level of socialization as my previous ones, I wasn’t on social media, and most of my friends (the few that I made since moving to Illinois) lived more than 30 minutes away (on a good day), and the ones who lived close by were married with families. I felt lonely for many days and then a doctor told me, “you need to spend time with people.”

It took me several months to really buy in to what the doctor said, but once I did I began to realize just how important community is. Especially when you are dealing with chronic illness.

So, thank you to everyone for showing your love and support. Two days after I wrote my blog post last week, I got a decent night’s sleep. And the night after that, and another night after that. For three days in a row, I felt like I had won the sleep lottery. I believe it can happen. I plan on using a natural sun light for when the Connecticut mornings are dark and dreary. I’m going to utilize my health insurance for therapy to help me cope on sleepy days. I’m also going to investigate acupuncture as an option.

There are so many wonderful things going on in my life. It looks like narcolepsy just may be one of them.

Taking Stock

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Now that we’re settling back into our Connecticut life, I’ve been considering another goal of mine: get all my belongings down to just one backpack. Yes, this is a lofty goal, and if I’m being honest with myself I’m not entirely sure why I want to take my minimalism to such an extreme point. I think what it boils down to is I like the freedom and mobility that comes with being able to pick up and move at a moment’s notice.

I’ve done a decent job of whittling away at my belongings. It was fairly easy to do, what with moving eight times in the last ten years (not counting a few short-term housesitting stints). When you don’t unpack boxes from one move to the next, that’s a good indicator you do not need those items, whatever they are.

What I’m having the most trouble with at this point is the amount of clothes I have. For anyone who knows me personally, this may make you laugh, because I pretty much wear the same thing every day: yoga pants/leggings (usually in a fun pattern or bright color) under a black skirt and a t-shirt of some sort.

For curiosity’s sake, I just took stock of my closest and checked my laundry. Here’s what I own:

13 pairs of yoga pants/leggings
10 pairs of Be Present yoga pants (I’ll come back to why these pants are in a separate category later)
3 long-sleeved t-shirts
7 short-sleeved t-shirts
10 tank tops
3 skirts
2 dresses (including the dress I wore when we eloped)
3 sets of long underwear
2 pair regular underwear
6 bras
13 pairs of socks (3 athletic; 8 wool for hiking; 2 fleece for warmth)
1 pair jammy pants
1 sweater
1 quilted flannel shirt
1 hoodie
1 bathing suit, plus swim bra
1 rash guard
1 all-around scarf
2 winter scarves
2 pair fingerless gloves (including the pair I wore when we eloped)
1 winter hat
2 ear warmers (one handmade by my niece)
1 pair heated gloves
1 pair arm warmers
1 pair leg warmers (a gift from friends when they went to Peru)
1 winter coat
1 up-cycled sweater coat (which I also wore when I eloped and I wear until I need my winter coat)
1 pair sandals
1 pair hiking boots
1 pair “dress” boots I bought in Peru
1 pair Uggs I now mostly wear around the house to keep my feet warm (but I also wore them when we eloped)

Here’s what 95% of the clothes look like all together:

And in case you’re interested, here’s my full wedding ensemble:

Wedding

Yes, these are all the clothes I own in the world. For the record, my mom still has some of my clothes from my teenage years and a few fancy dresses stored at the house I grew up in. I have cheerfully encouraged her to PLEASE DONATE/GET RID OF all of them as I do not want any of it. She claims she has a plan to do so. If I didn’t question the ownership of whether those clothes really belong to me at this point, I would haul them all off to the Shining Light Thrift shop first chance I got.

But I digress. When I looked at my list of clothes, first I felt a moment of disgust. How can I be a minimalist and own so many t-shirts! You thought I was going to say yoga pants, didn’t you? I promise, I’m getting to that.

I let those feelings of disgust sink in and then realized that while I could cut down a few t-shirts and tank tops, I reminded myself that I only own one sweater. I use that sweater and my three long-sleeved t-shirts to get me through the winter. Plus, I like to layer a short-sleeved shirt or tank top over the long-sleeves, just so I have some variety to my wardrobe and then I get to use those shirts year round.

I do admit that 13 pairs of socks are excessive. That count increased recently by three because I only brought a few pairs of socks with me the two months we were on the road housesitting. I ended up wearing my hiking boots more than my sandals, which turned out to be not so good for walking long distances, unlike what the Zappos reviews claimed. After wearing the same pair of socks for an entire week, I finally broke down when my Mom and I were at Costco and she offered to buy me some more.

But now on to those yoga pants. Yes, it is ridiculous for me to have so many. There are two reasons why I do. First, yoga pants are my underwear since for the most part I treat them like tights. And although I may wear the same socks for an entire week, that doesn’t seem nearly as gross to me as wearing the same “tights” two days in a row. So, clean yoga pants every day!

Realistically, I know I could halve the number of legging-like yoga pants I have. At least three pairs are starting to wear out, so I’m hoping I can lessen this number simply by wearing them more.

The second reason I have so many yoga pants is one that I frankly don’t know what to do about. The 10 pairs of Be Present yoga pants I have were made by a company that went out of business over two years ago. I LOVE everything about these pants – they’re comfortable, loose, flexible, made-in-the-USA, and the material has a patented breath-weave technology so they dry super quick. Plus, I have them in some really great colors. They also are virtually indestructible, as I’ve had most of them for more than 7 years.

Here’s the problem – they make excellent summer clothes, but during the cold, windy Connecticut winters I almost never wear them. With my minimalist mentality, this should mean I donate them somewhere because I can wear my other clothes during the summer anyway.

Except…once the Be Present pants are gone, I can never get them back. I have a profound sense of fear that if I give them away, I will someday regret it.

Have I ever donated/sold/trashed anything that I then regretted? Just once. Last summer, when a huge snake took up residence in the compost bin where we were housesitting, I wished I still had my rubber rain boots. But I knew that once we left that house in August, I wouldn’t have a need for them. So I sucked up my fear and instead wore my hiking boots outside in the yard. That snake never did end up slithering across my feet (THANK GOD).

And I have lost a pair of my Be Present yoga pants – a bright and shimmery pink pair – that several times over the past year I wished I still had because I wanted to wear them.

This situation is quite the spiritual conflict for me. If I truly believe in the spiritual law of circulation (that whatever you give, you receive back), then I should be able to let go of some of these pants. Yet, for some reason I can’t let go of my attachment.

Thankfully, this is not a choice I have to decide RIGHT NOW. We’ll be in Norfolk until May, 2018, and I won’t have to pack any bags until then. Also, anything and everything could be different with our life at that point in time and there’s a good chance I will have worn through several items of clothing on my above list. Still, I think it’s good to know how I’m holding myself back on my spiritual journey. In the coming weeks, I will certainly reflect on what these yoga pants mean to me and try to gain some insight. If I come up with anything, I will let you know. Until then…peace, love, and yoga pants!

In 20 Weeks From Now…

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Title

We are officially back in Connecticut! One of the best parts of housesitting in a small town is how easy it is to run into people. When my husband and I went for a walk around town center our second day back, we saw a few people we know and I got to meet two new dogs. Technically, I already knew one of the dogs. But, I hadn’t formally met him, so I felt thrilled to learn the dog I had nicknamed “Giant Cocoa Puff” is really named Tucker. I now refer to him as Tucker Giant Cocoa Puff, which I think suits him.

3,000 + miles are a lot to drive in two months and many of my (supposed) habits fell by the wayside by the lack of consistency in my daily routine. For the most part, I did manage to keep up with daily meditation (sometimes even twice a day!), since I’m a big believer that meditation is the single greatest action that can change one’s life (feel free to ask me for advice on how to start). I also kept up with 20-minutes of strength training every day except Sundays; again, for the most part.

I can’t remember when I started the 20-minutes of strength training. I believe it was January, but I’m not very good at keeping track of things, even when I try. Case in point: On July 10^th, after I finished reading Gretchen Reuben’s The Happiness Project, I typed 13 daily tasks to promote my happiness and well being in a spreadsheet and started marking “X” when I completed the activity or “O” when I didn’t do it. The last marks I have are on August 6^th.

I’m not sure why I stopped keeping track, but I have to seriously consider that somedays I am too lazy to turn on my computer and/or open a specific file. This failure on my part makes me marvel even more at one of my former students, who I caught up with while in the Chicago area. As of August 22^nd, he was on DAY 127 of 50 daily push-ups. This student is currently working as an OT aide, while applying to OT schools. Even more remarkable, this student suffered a traumatic brain event in 2009. Considering everything this student has been through and what he’s accomplished since (bachelor’s degree, finding work in his desired field, being a generally upbeat and positive person), I should be able to turn on my computer to make X’s and O’s.

Except, I know that if there is an extra step that doesn’t have to be there it makes me more likely not to do something.

One of the books I read while on the road this summer is The Sweet Spot by Dr. Christine Carter, a happiness sociologist.

In her book, Dr. Carter detailed how having more productive and efficient daily habits related to your life goals can increase happiness and wellbeing. Yes, I know, this is essentially a duh finding, yet I am still not living the fully productive and efficient life I desire, so I clearly have more work to do.

Dr. Carter wrote about taking “tiny steps” to establish our habits. She states the key is to find a trigger for the habit and then start the habit with the least amount of effort possible. For example, if you want to establish a daily meditation habit, link meditation to something you do daily, like brushing your teeth in the morning (this is the trigger) and then immediately after your morning brush, go sit on a meditation cushion for 30 seconds. And that’s it. You don’t even meditate at first. You increase the time of sitting there on a weekly basis and then you start with the meditation, again which is something you would build up to (meditate for one minute and sit there for another nine minutes).

So, I took a page out of The Sweet Spot (haha, pun totally intended) and started taking tiny steps with the least amount of effort possible in establishing new habits. For me, least amount of effort means: 1) I am not going to record my daily progress because that’s extra effort I don’t really want to do (and apparently am not good at); and 2) I am only going to focus on one habitat a time.

Since every single aspect in my life is infinitely better when I get a good night’s sleep, and I know I sleep much better the more exercise I get, my new habit is to increase my amount of daily exercise. The 20-minutes of strength training is going well, and to it I’m adding 20-minutes of high-intensity interval training.

Here’s how establishing my new habit is broken down with The Sweet Spot method:

FIND A TRIGGER – Easy! I’m already exercising 20-minutes every morning after I meditate.
LEAST AMOUNT OF EFFORT – 30 seconds of a high-intensity cardio move (this week I selected mountain climber), 30 seconds of rest, and 30 more seconds of cardio, then DONE! Seriously. No more, even if I feel good and want to keep going. Though now that I’m almost a week in, holy bananas is my butt already getting kicked and I don’t think I could continue much longer anyway.
REWARD – In addition to the natural high that comes from exercise, I play a fun pop song from one of the already created playlists in Amazon Music while I complete the interval. So far this week I’ve listened to Shut Up and Dance by Walk the Moon, Shake It Off by Taylor Swift, Firework by Katy Perry, Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen, and Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke, all which can be found in the 50 Great Songs from the Last 10 Years playlist. In case you’re interested, I usually listen to an audiobook during my strength training and right now I’m finishing up the Sookie Stackhouse series (for probably the 4^th time), which the HBO show True Blood is based on.
PROGRESS – On Monday, I will increase another minute of exercise/rest. And that’s it for the rest of the week! Each Monday, I will increase by only one-minute intervals.
HAVE A BACK-UP PLAN – In the event I cannot complete my target time for whatever reason, I will do 1.5 minutes of interval cardio. In the event I am sick, I will visualize my exercise. These options are the “better than nothing,” approach that Dr. Carter writes about and because they are so easy, I can’t imagine not being able to complete them on any given day.

Yes, I realize that it will take me 20 weeks to establish just ONE of my desired habits. But I would much rather build towards one high-priority habit, then go all in right away on multiple habits, burn out, and completely stop exercising or writing or eating healthy or whatever it is I’m trying to accomplish because they all get lumped together with too high expectations. I am investing in my health and sleep for the long haul and I think this is the best way to do it. I will certainly give updates in the future, and in the meantime, if anyone has recommendations for some fun cardio exercises, please let me know.

Memoir Monday, June 5th, 2017

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It’s now been a full-on month that I’ve cleaned up my diet, kept up my six-day-a-week 20-minute daily exercise routine, and practiced meditation twice a day on most days. It’s probably not a coincidence that I’ve also had an upsurge of productivity with my writing.

One of my greatest accomplishments in the last week is getting the revision of my middle-grade manuscript, Top Dog of K-9 Academy, in tip top shape. I’ve managed to edit an additional 19 chapters and I still have 6 to go, but I fully expect to have a working third draft by June 10^th, the deadline I gave myself.

I’ve been debating about whether to get the manuscript professionally edited once it’s in its third draft form. All my research suggests that having outside, qualified eyes look at your manuscript can only improve it. My only hesitation? Edits can cost $3 to $4 (or more) dollars a page, so it is an investment.

Having been raised in a frugal family, I sometimes have a hard time spending money on things I should. However, as my Mom likes to say, “If money solves your problem, then it’s not really a problem.” So the question becomes why don’t I really want to get the manuscript edited?

I think like most aspects of our lives that are beneficial in the long term (e.g., good diet, exercise, stress reduction techniques), there’s not an immediate return on investment with an editing process. But I honestly don’t think it’s a time issue.

I’ve written before about how slow the publishing industry can be and if I take the time to get a professional edit, then, yes, that’s several more weeks before I can start submitting the manuscript to agents and editors. But what difference would a few weeks make, especially if my manuscript is all that much stronger for it.

Other questions that pop up in my mind when I consider getting an editor are: what if I spend the money and I don’t get anything useful out of the edit?; what if the editor says my work sucks?; what if I invest all this time, effort, and money, and the manuscript doesn’t result in a book contract?

But when I really think about it, these are all just fear-based excuses that are getting in the way of achieving my dream of being a published author. If I don’t get an editor, then I can always make an excuse that my manuscript wasn’t ready and I submitted too soon and that’s why it didn’t get published.

Good thing I’m done letting fear get in my way. I spent over a decade and a half stuck in a career that my heart wasn’t really in because I was afraid to try something different. That’s long enough.

I reminded a person I’m very close with the other day that, “Most of what we worry is about is imaginary.” That’s one of the more useful pieces of advice from the intro to psych textbook I used the last time I taught that course, and quite frankly, was the best part of teaching it.

This little piece of advice came up when this person expressed concerns that no one would like them or their chronic illness would get in the way of them having a good experience when they start a new chapter of their lives in the coming months. I then followed up my advice by providing a list of other things that could also happen to them in the coming months, including:

Being liked so much by everyone, that they want you to quit school and work for them full-time;

Meeting Leonardo DiCarpio, who falls in love you at first sight so then you have a relationship dilemma with Leonardo and your current boyfriend; and

Finding escaped pandas from the zoo and hiding them in your bathtub because they’re too precious to return.

My point with all these was that anything could happen in the coming months, so you might as well focus on the wacky and wonderful.

Advice I really need to take to heart, then, because if I allow myself to think rationally about my fears, I already know the answers to them:

1) Of course having my manuscript edited wouldn’t be a waste of time; I know what to look for in an editor and I understand what to expect in the editing process.

2) If I really thought my worked suck (and in retrospect I can now say that, yes, some of my past work has sucked), then I would edit and revise it myself until I felt it was good enough to send to an editor.

3) I have no time limit in achieving my goal of being a published author. Yes, I want this sooner rather than later, but I was also once told that, “It’s not my job to manage God’s plan for me.” Meaning, I don’t have to worry about the “how’s;” I just need to keep taking steps in the right direction and believe that everything else will work itself out. Which, it will. Because my mom also likes to say, “Everything always works out in the end. And if it doesn’t, that means it’s not the end.”

So as I wait for the details to work themselves out, I will keep on with what I’ve been doing – prioritizing my health and well-being to keep my productivity flowing, writing and editing my own stories, reading and studying other stories to help improve my craft, playing with dogs because that makes me really happy, and getting my manuscript professionally revised. I look forward to sharing more about this process in the coming weeks.

Memoir Monday, May 29th, 2017

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TItle

Tomorrow is an exciting day for me. The only items on my agenda are 1) take my trash and recyclables to the transfer station (Norfolk’s fancy name for the town dump); and 2) write.

Not only do I have copious amounts of free time, but my only company for the day will be canine companionship. Considering the three dogs I’ll be with are the inspiration for my middle-grade book Top Dog of K-9 Academy, I think I’ll be in good company.

I have a lot of different writing projects I could work on, including my aforementioned middle-grade book, as well as another middle-grade book I finished the first draft of this past December, and several picture books that need revision. I also have a nonfiction picture book I’m doing research on regarding therapy llamas (who know they could be such a wonderful companion and therapy animal – which is why I want to tell the world about them) and I have a children’s story that someone in publishing told me could make a good magazine article, so I need to investigate publication possibilities for that.

Llama

Since I am always optimistic with my time, I’m going to focus on the revision of Top Dog and believe that I will finish the entire revision in one day. We’ll see. But on a positive note, I already have the first six chapters revised, so only 25 more to go.

Realistically, I’d like to have the complete manuscript revised and ready for submission by June 10^th, which is the date of the next writers’ conference I’m attending. This will be my fifth writers’ conference since I started taking my life dream of being an author seriously. The first one I attended was in November 2014 and it was one year later that I told myself I was not going to attend another writing conference until I had a book finished.

At the time, a friend of mine recommended that I meet up with her at the North Carolina Writers’ Network fall conference and I flat out refused. I had decided that I needed to put all that I had learned thus far about fiction writing and children’s writing, in particular, to good use and it was time for me to actually finish a novel. I made a promise to myself that I was not going to attend any more conferences until I had something to pitch to agents or editors in the event I randomly struck up a conversation with one of them somewhere.

It only took me a year and half to make good on my promise. Pretty good, I think, considering it took me eight years to finish my PhD program (although I did have undiagnosed narcolepsy the ENTIRE time). I also like to remind myself of this accomplishment whenever I feel I need a boost with my writing life. I have to remind myself I haven’t been at this for too long in the grand scheme of things and I’ve come a long way.

I also like to remind myself that I went from being single to married in only three weeks. Just like that, my whole life changed for the infinite better and my dream of finding the perfect partner came true.

When I think about how this can happen with my writing – maybe it will be today, maybe it will be tomorrow – an agent or publisher will say the magic words of book contract, I get giddy with the possibilities of the situation. Because, honestly, I cannot imagine a better husband than the one I sat down next to that fateful night when we randomly met at a restaurant bar I had never been to before, so I can only imagine what’s going to happen when this publishing dream of mine comes true.

I’m already looking forward to telling you about it….

Memoir Monday, May 16th, 2017

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Sugar

I felt rather dismayed when I saw almost a full month has gone by since I lasted posted here. I’m disappointed in myself because when I started this blog in August 2016 the goal was to write multiple times a week, every week.

Right around the New Year, I began to let posts slide. I rationalized that because of the holidays, I could take a break. Then wouldn’t you know it – I let posts slide again. And again.

I’m sure I have “valid” reasons for not blogging and as I’m typing away right now, my brain is telling me, YES! Yes, you do. The writers’ conference that I participated in in late March required me to spend extra time on getting my second book in shape for editor and agent critiques. Then came the revisions, which I’m still working on.

I also just felt so dang tired these past few months. Winter is hard on those of us with sleep disorders. The lack of sunlight made me feel lethargic and the moment it turned dark outside all I wanted to do was read in bed. Then, there was my crap diet that lasted from March 25^th, when my husband and I completely lost control at a conference where we had multiple all-you-can-eat meals, all the way to May 2^nd. I can pretty much sum up my diet during that time span as: SUGAR, SUGAR, SUGAR, SUGAR, SUGAR, zucchini noodle stir fry, SUGAR, SUGAR, SUGAR.

No wonder I’ve been so exhausted and I’m pretty sure I have a sugar addiction. It’s funny how poor choices in one area snowball into the rest of your life. Poor diet led to increasingly poor sleep, which made me feel tired and was exacerbated by lack of sunlight, so I made even poorer diet choices because of feeling so tired, which then made me feel even more tired and because I’m so tired, I’m then not meeting my writing goals, making me get down on myself, and then I want a DQ Blizzard to make me feel better, and then, oh, what’s that? I’m feeling even more tired and the sugar makes me have poor sleep. Again. And the cycle repeats. And repeats. And repeats.

At the very least I have awareness of this pattern. And (once again) I am consciously choosing to break the cycle. The good news is I have excellent support from my husband, who also has a sugar addiction, and was feeling just as sick and tired of feeling sick and tired as I was.

We are currently on Day 15 of a 26-day diet detox, which banned sugar (including fruit) the first week, and is 90% raw, 100% vegan. Completing this detox will be a truly great achievement for me and, not surprisingly, I’m already sleeping better and I have more energy. That’s how I find myself writing this blog post at 8:00pm on a Tuesday evening instead of mindlessly scrolling through Facebook to trick my brain into thinking I’m accomplishing something.

So I’m making progress — YAY!

While I finish the remaining 11 days of the diet detox, I’m also going to spend some time contemplating my goals. Specifically, I want a better awareness of the balance between my ambition and productivity. As evidenced by some of my older blog posts, this is one area in the past where I have set myself up for failure by being too optimistic about what I can realistically accomplish. But it’s also something I am keenly aware of and trying to improve and frankly, I’m tired of making excuses for not meeting my own goals.

In the meantime, I am going to give myself a small writing goal. Post this blog tonight and then post another one on May 22^nd. As always, I thank you for reading my blog and for your love and support.

Memoir Monday, April 17th, 2017

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Title

After a very long winter with several snow storms and many, cold, dark, cloudy days, I’m feeling more confident that spring has finally sprung in Connecticut. I say this because we’ve had several days in a row of abundant sunshine,

the snow has melted,

and I’ve started seeing spring bulbs pop up here and there around town.

I have, however, been cautioned not to put the snow shovel away because that will jinx the weather and then we’ll most assuredly have snow one more time.

The timing of our spring resurgence here is coincidental with the celebration of Easter this year. My husband and I had a lovely Easter celebration yesterday with attending church, eating a delicious lunch of lamb with mint jelly and spice cake for dessert, and visiting a local farm where I got to bottle feed baby goats (best Easter activity EVER!).

But now that Easter has come and gone, that means Lent is over and I can go back to Facebook (which I gave up for Lent). Yay! I think.

One of the things I’ve missed the most about being on Facebook is knowing what’s going on with a lot of friends, particularly the ones that I don’t see on a regular basis. I miss reading about what’s happening in their lives and the adventures they’re taking.

I also miss the birthday reminders and without being on Facebook these past few weeks, I completely forgot to send out some birthday greetings.

Here’s what I don’t miss about Facebook at all: how much of my time it sucks up. Since I posted last week about my obsessive email checking, I have gotten somewhat better with it and several hours will go by where I consciously chose not to check my email because I don’t want to distract myself from the work I’m doing.

One of my worries with going back to Facebook is that this will be my go-to time waster when I’m feeling tired and don’t want to work on one of the activities that align with my goals of being a published writer. These goals currently include reading middle grade fiction, reading Francine Prose’s Reading Like a Writer: A Guide for People Who Love Books and For Those Want to Write Them, listening to The Great Courses – Writing Great Fiction: Storytelling Tips and Techniques by Professor James Hynes (I’m up to chapter 5 and thoroughly enjoying), plotting the sequel to the middle grade book I finished writing several weeks ago, and working on a book of writing prompts that I plan to offer for free in the near future as a way to build my email list for when I eventually get published (apparently having an email list is a good way to build an audience).

My professional goals are important to me and then there are my personal goals, of equal, if not more importance: eating healthy (epic fails as of late due to Dairy Queen Blizzards, burgers and fries from Wood Creek Bar and Grill, and Dee’s One Smart Cookie sandwich cookies), meditating (doing good with this one thanks to my Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey meditation app), exercising for 20 minutes a day (also doing good with this one and I only missed a few days in the past 2 months), and being a good partner to my husband (although I think I’m doing quite well here, my husband has yet to give me a serious answer).

You’d think it’d be easy, then, to limit the activities that take me away from my goals such as procrastinating on social media and/or checking my email. The thing is,

goals require hard work and dedication, and that’s, well, hard,

especially when a lot of my goal-related activities don’t result in immediate rewards.

It’s so much easier to like my friends’ posts, add a comment or two, and feel like I’ve accomplished a lot. And maybe it is worthwhile to socially engage with my friends this way to let them know I’m interested in their lives and care about them. Some of them I haven’t seen for months and I be seeing them again for equally long times.

I suppose what it all comes down to is balance. Balance is something I struggle with day in and day out, although staying on track has gotten a little easier as I refine what’s most important to me in my life. I know where and how I want to spend my time and at the very least I am becoming more mindful of my choices.

I think this awareness is why I’m so eager for spring this year. Spring (and Easter for that matter) is a time of renewal and rebirth. This season makes me excited that no matter how unbalanced I let my life get this past winter (or in previous seasons), there is now a new opportunity to start over. I can reaffirm my choices to stay balanced and stay focused on my goals as much as possible.

With every new flower I see blooming or bird chirping I can be reminded to do my best. Even better, I can be inspired by the beauty around me to inform my writing and make conscious choices of how I spend my time. Nature is, after all, the ultimate testament to the success of balance. Now it’s just up to me. As always, I remain ever optimistic. Thanks for your support 🙂

Memoir Monday, January 16th, 2017

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Now that I’m about one week into our third stint in Norfolk, CT, it’s time to update and refine my objectives from go-around #2. Here’s what I wanted to accomplish last time:

1) Write 6,000 words per week specifically for one of my novels

2) Attend a weekly writer’s group

3) Listen to at least one Brandon Sanderson lecture on writing each week

4) Read at least five chapters of a novel every week

5) Complete 3 sets of PT exercises every day

6) Spend 20 minutes every day on physical exercise

7) Eat one salad every day that contains at least four colors of the rainbow

8) Meditate twice daily for 20 minutes each time

9) Spend 20 minutes every day reading or listening to spiritual material

10) Explore someplace new every week with my husband

I didn’t do so well, as I explained last week. But the good news is, now that I’m evaluating myself on a regular basis (i.e., every few months), I’m beginning to see where my true strengths and weaknesses are. For example, I have zero inclination to actually keep records of my diet and exercise habits.

I’ve solved the diet dilemma by going on another round of an elimination that I did three years ago to see if it will help with my sleep/lingering digestive issues. This means no grains, soy, dairy, refined sugar, eggs, or yeast for three weeks. When you take all those foods out of your diet, it’s so much easier to know what you’re putting in your body without having to keep a record. Plus, vegetables also then make up a huge component of the diet. It’s also oddly reinforcing as I feel pretty good and I don’t want to add a lot of the junk (i.e. sugar/gluten) back in.

Similarly, I invested in a Jawbone Up3, even though Jawbone is getting out of the fitness tracker industry, and that seems to have solved my problem of keeping track of exercise. Although I purchased the item to keep track of sleep (Up3 got the highest ratings for tracking light, deep, and REM sleep), I’m now being informed how many steps I’m taking every day so I can easily monitor my physical activity.

It’s also clear I’m just not good at keep tracking of anything other than word counts. So, to track the books I’m reading (including writing books, novels, picture books, and spiritual material), I’m going to start using Good Reads. It’s easily accessible on my phone and it will help me connect with other readers and writers out there.

Consistency also seems to be key for me in accomplishing a few of my objectives, like daily meditation, PT exercises and attending writers’ groups. Meditation has always worked really well for me early in the morning, so I’m going to stick with that. If I can get in an afternoon meditation session, then great, but I’m not going to beat myself up if I don’t (that pretty much seems the opposite of why someone would meditate in the first place). I’m also going to try to work my 3 PT exercises in before I start writing in the morning. Some of them I can even stop and do on the stairs when I first wake up or while I’m waiting for the dogs to finish eating. My weekly writers’ group will be easier, because that will always be Wednesdays at 9am. But these objectives, I’m not going to actually keep track of. I know they’re there and I’m doing them.

I’m going to scrap my objective of watching a Brandon Sanderson lecture every week, simply because I’m already taking two different writing classes over the next few weeks, with a third one starting up this weekend. This way, if I do actually get around to watching some of these lectures (which I keep hearing are quite good), then I will feel like I’ve accomplished quite a bit!

It also looks like I’m going to have to scrap going new places as an objective. My husband and I are struggling right now with the whole “explore a new place” every week given our schedules and the fact that it’s dark by 5:00pm here. We’re hoping that as spring approaches we’ll be able to get more out and about, but for the coming months it looks like we’re going to have let go of this goal.

That leaves writing! My favorite objective of all. I’m going to go back to 1000 words per day. Every day. Not even taking Sundays off. One thing I am going to change, however, is that once I finish my Fox Through the Forest story as part of Fiction Fridays, I’m going to start posting writing prompts on Fridays instead. This way, I can exercise different writing muscles and it will take significantly less time than creating, revising, and editing a chapter. That time can be better spent on my novels and picture books.

So, in sum, my objectives until April are:

1) Write 1000 words every day

2) Track the books I read using Good Reads

From ten objectives to two, both involving writing. I think I can handle that!

Memoir Monday, January 9th, 2017

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A few weeks ago, my husband and I returned to Norfolk, CT, for another housesitting job. I set up some goals, or as someone pointed out to me, processes, I felt would help me reach where I want to go. One of the aspects of these “processes” is that I wanted to make them S.M.A.R.T(er), meaning they’re specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound.

Which, I did. Except, as it takes me a ridiculous amount of time to do simple tasks, like put something in the mail, I ended up with a huge flaw in my November/December plan. I never got around to creating a spreadsheet to track my progress.

Sure, I thought about it, but in typical Kelly fashion there was no follow through. The good news is, I’m not completely hopeless because I did make significant progress in some areas, although others rely on eyewitness testimony (mine and my husband’s) and we all know how faulty that can be.

So without further ado, my November/December report card:

1) Write 6,000 words per week specifically for one of my novels

Grade: B

Rationale: I finished the first draft of my young adult novel, Serendipity Smart and the Fourth Wish! I also started on a second novel, this one for middle grade kids, Top Dog of K-9 Academy. But did I actually write 6,000 words per week specifically on my novels? All signs point to no. If I had, I would be much further along with Top Dog than I am now.

2) Attend a weekly writer’s group

Grade: A-

Rationale: This one is easy to accomplish, because one of my writers’ groups is always at the same time/day every week. I gave myself an A- though because the group got cancelled a few times because our fearless leader had surgery. Yes, that’s not under my control, but thanks to the internet I know there are many other writing groups within a 100 mile radius of Norfolk.

3) Listen to at least one Brandon Sanderson lecture on writing each week

Grade: BIG FAT F!

Rationale: I did not listen to one lecture! What is wrong with me?! Free writing advice from a writing master! I give myself an A for all my excuses though: I don’t want to watch anything too close to bedtime; if I don’t have the time to watch an entire lecture, I’ll wait until I do; I’m reading books on writing instead; etc. For some reason, I’m treating the Brandon Sanderson lectures like a new piece of technology I’ve purchased that I leave in the box for a very long time because I’m either intimidated about using it or I’m too lazy to read the instructions. I suspect it’s a little bit of both.

4) Read at least five chapters of a novel every week

Grade: A-

Rationale: I think I did this one. I read several books these past two months and thanks to Maybe a Fox, which I highly recommend anyone reading this go out and get a copy immediately, and which I finished in one day, I sent my average well ahead of the curve.

5) Complete 3 sets of PT exercises every day

Grade: D

Rationale: At first this goal was easy to accomplish. Three sets don’t take very long. And then I stopped completely. See #6 below. Yes, I know we’re allowed to give ourselves a break but I only had these goals for two months. I’d blame the holidays, but that’s like saying I’m not 100% responsible for my life, which I am, so I can’t.

6) Spend 20 minutes every day on physical exercise

Grade: C

Rationale: Until December 15^th, I was kicking butt. Not only was I exercising 20 minutes, most days I exercised a full hour, with free yoga at the UCC in Norfolk and streaming classes from Cody. Then, my husband and I did a little bit of traveling and my goals fell apart.

7) Eat one salad every day that contains at least four colors of the rainbow

Grade: D

Rationale: I did not eat many salads because it got so dang cold in CT. But I did start eating more vegetable soups. They were mostly Amy’s Organics Split Pea, which is decidedly green. So no rainbow soup for me!

8) Meditate twice daily for 20 minutes each time

Grade: D-

Rationale: Again, I was doing pretty well with this one until my husband and I hit the road on December 19^th. Then I stopped meditating completely. There has only been one other time I stopped meditating for that long since I started this practice in 2013 and that was because I was in hospital. I’m delighted to report I’m back on track and I’ve already seen a spike in my creativity.

9) Spend 20 minutes every day reading or listening to spiritual material

Grade: D-

Rationale: I honestly have no idea if I met this goal or not. The only thing I can attest to is I did not neglect my spirituality completely, so that’s why I’m giving myself a barely passing grade.

10) Explore someplace new every week with my husband

Grade: C

Rationale: My husband and I went to a few new places, including the largest Gingerbread festival in New England. We didn’t get to go as many new places, though, because one of the dogs we’re taking care developed a mass on his spleen. He is our #1 priority and I love him like he’s our own pup. So I have no regrets at all about not meeting this goal.

Overall Grade: F

Well, I certainly have a lot of room for improvement. Since we’ll be in Norfolk from now until mid-April, that gives me plenty of time to work on my goals. In the coming week, I’m going to reassess where I am and where I want to go. And this time, I’m going to include a way to track my progress. Thank you, internet, for making me accountable!

Kelly Kandra Hughes, PhD

Running across the street right now to pet a dog!

Tag Archives: Goals

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