Tag Archives: Psychology

Another Reason to Love Stories! 1

Another Reason to Love Stories!

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I recently had a teaching experience that surpassed many others in my life. On February 25th, I presented at the CU Psychology Club on “Why Is Heated Rivalry Hot!” I described the presentation as a look at the intersection between psychology, neuroscience, and storytelling through Nassim Nicholas Taleb’s Black Swan framework.

Another Reason to Love Stories! 2
Now, I am by no means an expert on gay hockey romance. I do, however, have strong credentials for discussing what makes a good story, having studied writing and storytelling for the past 11 years. I’ve also been teaching college-level psychology since I started graduate school in 1999 and became a full-time instructor in 2007, so I know something about how the mind works.

I also had the enthusiasm and support of the psych club behind the presentation. In January, when they asked me to present, they suggested a few ideas. The psych club president then asked me what I wanted to talk about. I jokingly answered that I would like to talk for 45 minutes about Heated Rivalry, having just finished the show and reading book 2 in the series over winter break.

I was mostly kidding. The response from the psych club was so gleeful, we decided, why not?

I have given many lectures in my life. As a teaching assistant and teaching fellow in grad school, I taught psych stats. My first go-around in teaching was predominantly stats, research methods, and a capstone course where students complete a senior thesis, with an occasional general psychology or upper-level course taught every so often.

Here at CU, I’ve been thrilled to shift to general psychology and upper-level lab/methods courses in positive psychology and conservation psychology. And I enjoy it so much!

But I have never had the chance to give a lecture that combined what I love best about stories with some really cool research on psychology.

I was so excited!

In the weeks leading up to the presentation, I knew that there was a lot of positive chatter about it, and on the day of the presentation, we had a good showing. What I was not expecting was how attentive the students would be.

Laptops, iPads, and smartphones weren’t the norm in the classroom when I left teaching in 2016. Nearly every student uses them now. On any given day when I lecture, I compete against billions upon billions of distractions all at the touch of a student’s finger.

So imagine my delight when the entire classroom gave me their undivided attention for a solid 50 minutes. I didn’t see one student on a device, and at one point, everyone was so excited after I asked a question that it took a few tries to get them to quiet down.

I worry a lot for this generation and the damage that social media has inflicted upon them, not to mention how their attention has been stolen for the sake of monetization and capitalism.

Why Is Heated Rivalry Hot showed me that it is possible to be focused in our chaotic, oversaturated, and overstimulated world.

Just one more reason I love stories!

For anyone local, I’ll be giving the presentation at the Westminster Library on Sunday, March 29, at 2:00 pm. You can register here: https://westminsterco.librarycalendar.com/event/why-we-are-hot-for-heated-rivalry

Another Reason to Love Stories! 3

A cat lays on the concrete

Grateful for Fall Break!

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This week starts fall break. Thank goodness! This semester has been a typhoon of survival, and every day, I work to keep my head above water.

I knew it would be hard to return to teaching after 8 years away, so I was prepared to struggle for a bit this semester. The good news is that next semester shouldn’t be nearly as hard because most of my lectures are now written, and I’ve given them at least once.

Unfortunately, I also assumed that my sleep health would be consistently poor (my normal, thanks to narcolepsy) and did not consider that it could actually get worse when we moved to Lafayette. So that was a challenge that made everything much harder, to the point where I was convinced that some days I wasn’t going to make it to the next one.

Yet, somehow, I did. And somehow, I still have ambition, hopes, and dreams for writing and speaking that I refuse to give up on.

Sometimes, I think my life would be a lot easier if I didn’t have such high levels of achievement. But I do, and so I do my best to fit in my ambition, hopes, and dreams between teaching and taking multiple (yes, multiple) naps throughout the day. Yesterday, I took three. I even fell asleep AFTER my cold plunge when I estimated the water was a brisk 39 degrees.

Anyway, here are some of the other things I’ve been doing lately:

I recorded several answers for the Second Nature podcast, and they used one of them in their October 9 podcast, Sustainable Gifting Is Easier (And Cheaper) than You Think.

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The whole podcast is worth listening to, especially if you are so tired of giving/receiving gifts that no one wants. My answer comes in at 10:11. You can listen here:
https://open.spotify.com/episode/4xTaOGFs2VVf40nKzwzXOI?si=FxThc_6UQTGfndvogFKXFg

I presented one of my favorite topics, The Psychology of Stuff: Why We Have So Much and What We Can Do About It, for Eco-Cycle in Boulder and Urban Villages in Denver.

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Both went incredibly well, and I’m delighted we had over 100 attendees for the Eco-Cycle webinar, which you can watch here.

The ebook version of D Is For Doggo is now available on Amazon at $1.99.

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I’m hoping that by the end of the week, the softcover book will also be available on Amazon through their print-on-demand service for $9.99. If you haven’t already, please buy a copy! As I’m querying another manuscript to agents over the next few months, some will ask if I’ve ever self-published and what my sales are. I want to be able to give a number that’s not embarrassing.

I’ve been leading a multi-week book discussion on Life In Five Senses for the Norfolk Library. We have readers joining from Connecticut, Colorado, New Jersey, Maryland, and London! It’s a great group, and the book is fascinating and thought-provoking.

I joined a romance trope book club at the Westminster Library. Now that I’m writing more YA and adult romance, I want to read more YA and adult romance. But the sheer volume of this genre completely overwhelmed me. So now I have a great group of avid readers making suggestions, and I’m loving the exposure to different authors, tropes, and subgenres.

And speaking of romance, I’ve entered into a brief (so far) love affair with this cat that shows up in our backyard.

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Our lease very clearly states NO CATS, so she can’t come inside, but that doesn’t mean I can’t go outside to visit with Patches. We don’t actually know the cat’s name or if she even has one. But when I sent Heath photos of her that first day and inquired what we should name her, he immediately responded, “Sucker,” because that’s what I was. That name morphed into Patches by way of Sucker to Sourpatch (i.e., another type of candy), and since she’s so very clearly a Patches, that’s what we’re going with. I suspect the love affair will eventually devastate me, but I’m willing to accept that risk at the moment.

Have a wonderful week, everyone! I’m grateful for all the love and support as I navigate this new life of mine.

Letting Go 8

Letting Go

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I had a thought the other day—would I be able to recognize a good night’s sleep if I had one?

This semester, I teach 300 students in a general psychology course at CU Boulder. I am enjoying teaching this many students at once, and the personal satisfaction I feel upon my return to teaching has far exceeded all my expectations.

An unexpected benefit is that I’m reminded daily of why I love psychology so much. In the past few weeks, we’ve covered two different topics in class: memory (chapter 7 in the textbook) and consciousness (chapter 3 in the textbook). I like to jump around.

One of the reasons I presented the memory chapter before the consciousness chapter is that getting a good night’s sleep (considered an “altered” state of consciousness) has been well-documented in the scientific literature to improve memory. I thought discussing this finding with students would motivate them to be more receptive to the best sleep practices we discussed the following week.

We also discussed different types of memory, including sensory memory, short-term memory, working memory, and long-term memory. Long-term memory is classified into explicit memory, which includes facts, knowledge, and personal events, and implicit memory, which includes motor skills, habits, and classical conditioning.

It was while I was brushing my teeth one morning that I put these two topics together.

Classical conditioning. Sleep. Classical conditioning. Sleep.

I had never considered before that perhaps my sleep isn’t nearly as bad as I think it is. What if I’ve classically conditioned myself to feel sluggish and low energy in the mornings? What if I’ve had so many tired mornings in my life that my body automatically responds accordingly every morning when I wake up?

I shared this thought with two of my friends during a Zoom get-together this past week, and they gave me a good suggestion. Every morning, when I wake up, I should rate how tired I feel on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being refreshed and energized.

In just two mornings of this practice, I had a minor breakthrough. The first morning, my rating was a 10. The second morning, it was a 3. The difference between the two mornings is that on the first morning, I had an incredibly vivid, bizarre, violent, emotionally dramatic dream, and I was still in the dream when I woke up. On the second morning, I was not dreaming when I woke up. The first morning, I felt traumatized. The second morning, I did not.

I realized that asking myself how tired I am in the morning is the wrong question! The right question is, how traumatic was the dream I just woke up from?

I don’t know what exactly to do with this information. I hope to find a sleep doctor in the area soon, and I think this information will be helpful as I explain what I need the most help with. Whether or not the doctor has a solution will remain to be seen.

In the meantime, I’m so tired of not just being tired but talking about being tired.

I also had another thought recently—what would I do with all my brain power if I accepted that I may be this way for the rest of my life? Wouldn’t that be liberating?

I don’t think it’s that easy to simply say I’m accepting that this is the way it’s going to be, and then I’ll accept it, but I do think I’ve made some progress in getting there.

With approximately two months left this year, I am letting go of wanting things to be different with my sleep. This is how my life is playing out right now, and I will live with it. Over the last two months, I’ve proven to myself that I can work again full-time, keep writing, and prioritize my mental and physical health. It is the bare minimum that I find acceptable and so I’m going to be okay with that.

To quote CS Lewis “onward and upward.”

Now, to add some more color and vibrancy to this post, here are some small moments of joy from the past few weeks.

A few weeks ago, Heath and I drove to Estes Park for a day trip. We stopped to feed the ducks at the River Walk Cafe and I found the colors on this mallard so striking.

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On my walk to the bus stop two weeks ago, this majestic hawk flew before me and landed on this branch. I told myself if I missed the bus and had to drive to campus, it would be totally worth it to be in the presence of this amazing creature.

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This past week, we had a late bloom on the rose bush in front of our house. I love the pop of colors amongst the vibrant green.

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Heath and I finished work at the same time this past Friday and so he picked me up on campus. Seeing this dog living their best life absolutely made my day!

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That same day, I convinced Heath to come for a sunset stroll around the lake. On our way back to the house, he heard this owl, and we found him perched on someone’s roof. To our delight and surprise, there was another owl on the opposite side of the roof and they kept hooting back and forth to each other.

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I hope everyone reading this can find small moments of joy in their life, too. Until next time….

When You Assume ….

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When You Assume .... 14

Another One of My Husband’s Cast-Off Photos

A few years ago, I read the book The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz. This book is based on wisdom teachings from the Toltecs, an indigenous population native to Mexico about 1000-ish years ago. Follow the four agreements and your life will become infinitely more joyful.

I’ve now given this book to three other people, if that’s any indication of the impact it’s had on me.

Here are the Four Agreements:

  1. Be impeccable with your word.
  2. Do not make assumptions.
  3. Do not take things personally.
  4. Always do your best.

Simple. Profound. Easy. Well, not quite easy.

I recently read a blog post on a minimalism website that provided an excellent reminder of the importance of the Four Agreements. Especially #2 and #3.

In that blog post, the author detailed how they were sitting in a restaurant with their family. At another table sat a family of four who were completely absorbed by their smartphones. They were together, but not really together at all. “How sad,” commented one of the author’s children.

How sad indeed … except, that’s quite an assumption to make.

The irony is that I’m writing this blog post because I took what that author said personally.

My husband and I have been doing the exact same thing as the family of four every time we’ve been in a restaurant in the past few weeks. Usually, that’s the only time where there’s great wi-fi and we have a few minutes of downtime on our 3.5-month road trip.

If the author of that blog post had been sitting next to us, they would have probably thought the same thing as their child: how sad.

What the author would have had no idea about is everything that my husband and I have been experiencing in these past few months when we’re not phlubbing (phone snubbing) each other at a restaurant. For example:

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Maligne Canyon, Jasper National Park

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Driving through Jasper National Park

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Valley of the Five Lakes

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Elk Video from Pyramid Island

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Mirette Hot Springs, Jasper National Park

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Tea House Trail, Lake Louise, Banff National Park

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Surprise birthday cake to celebrate my 41st Birthday at Bernice’s Bakery, Missoula, MT

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National Bison Range, Dixon, MT

Also, since June 9th, my husband and I have not been apart for more than 20 hours (in my estimation). Not 20 hours consecutively, but 20 hours total out of the 1,368 hours that have elapsed since then.

We have literally been together for 99% of the time in nearly two months.

This road trip and summer has been one of the greatest experiences of my life. Every moment of wonder and joy I experience is magnified by the fact that I get to share it with the person I love most in the world.

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Valley of the Five Lakes, Jasper National Park

So why is it bothering me so much what that author wrote?

After reflecting on this question for a bit, I’ve concluded it’s because I have worried about people thinking exactly what the author wrote about – that my husband and I would be judged about who we are as a couple based on how we were behaving at our restaurant table.

Then the bigger question is – why should I even worry about something like that? One of my favorite quotes from author and motivational speaker Wayne Dyer is that, “Your opinion of me is none of my business.”

I suppose having a PhD in psychology does come in handy every now and then, because I realized what I’m experiencing is a classic case of cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance occurs when there’s a disconnect between certain attitudes, thoughts, beliefs, etc., that you have and your corresponding behaviors.

As someone who regularly practices mindfulness, sitting at a restaurant table with my husband while having my phone out is not being present. So, in the case of the aforementioned author, there is something fair about what they’ve written.

This “truth” allows my brain to yell at me things like:

IMPOSTER!

YOU ARE NOT REALLY A MINIMALIST!

SHAME ON YOU!

HOW DARE YOU HAVE YOUR PHONE OUT WHILE YOUR INCREDIBLY HANDSOME HUSBAND SITS AT A TABLE WITH YOU! 

Funny how my brain is really quick to discount the 1,348 hours where I’m mindfully enjoying the good life and spending time with my husband.

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I’ve begun reminding myself to let these thoughts go. I acknowledge them and then release the hold they have on me. Again, easier said then done. As long as I’m being mindful, though, I will keep fighting the good fight whenever my dissonant brain tries to overthrow my happiness.

Besides, there’s only one month left in our road trip. I simply do not want to waste any more time on a thought process that does not serve me.

I have a lot of the United States to see – with my husband. And I plan on doing my best!

End Note: If you are so inclined, please send thoughts of love to the family whose son died at Glacier National Park last week. It is an awful tragedy that no one should have to experience.