Tag Archives: Memoir

Thinking About Death During the Holidays

With Christmas fast approaching and only nine days left in 2017, it’s time for my yearly reflection entitled, “Even Though It’s Christmas, People Still Die.” And yes, I totally stole this idea from the late 1990’s sitcom Friends.

Because I know many of my friends and family who read my blog sometimes worry about me based on what I write, let me clarify that thinking about death during the holidays does not mean I’m depressed. Quite the opposite.

This has been one of the happiest, most joyful years of my life. 2017 also happened to be the year I read five different books on happiness (two of them I re-read for the second time):

joy

I recently told someone about all these books and she joked, “shouldn’t you be happy by now?” Her point is excellent, except I read these types of books as someone who has a professional interest in psychology, science, and research, more than as an I need these books to improve my life mentality.

Although, I would be lying if I said these books haven’t improved how I live. Each one of them has contributed positively to some aspect of my life, most notably The Sweet Spot because I’m now exercising on a regular basis and it’s become an actual habit.

What I find most interesting about these books is that every single one of them included a chapter on death. They all claimed that to truly experience sustained and long-term joy, you have to keep your own death a central part of your life.

Last Christmas, death ended up being forefront in my mind because one of the dogs we were caring for had been diagnosed with a mass on his spleen. He didn’t have much longer in this world and sure enough, he died within a month.

I also wrote last Christmas about my 43-year-old cousin Becky, who was diagnosed with cancer in December of 2013, and succumbed to the disease in April, 2014.

Those losses are still heavy in my heart today, just like all the other people and animals I’ve lost throughout my life. But like these books suggest, I don’t allow the losses to weigh me down.

Instead, I use their heaviness as reminders which ground me to my own life; they’ve become a rock on which I can stand and look around at our wonderful and marvelous world. These losses lift me up into the here and now because all of us could be one hour, one minute, or even one second away from death and I know it.

Our time is so precious and because I still have so much of it right now (God and Kelly willing), I don’t want to waste it. This reason is why death meditations can be so useful. If I knew 2018 would be my last year on Earth, what would I do differently?

Based on what I wrote last year – spend more time with family and friends, travel with my husband and/or niece to national parks, pet as many dogs along the way as we could, finish my first novel, publish my picture books, and see a bear in the wild – I’m tearing up with happiness right now because I’ve either done what I set out to do or I took major steps towards making these dreams a reality.

In addition to spending time with my parents in Pennsylvania,

and my husband’s parents in Tennessee,

we visited with various extended family members in North Carolina,

and my husband got to meet my oldest brother who lives in San Antonio, Texas, when we all met up at my parents’ house in Harrisburg.

We brought my niece to visit us in Connecticut for a week in May,

and I spent a few days with her in Washington, DC, this fall. We’ve also had friends come visit us in Connecticut and we’re making plans to see some friends in Illinois again this summer.

This past August, my husband and I visited the Cuyahoga Valley National Park in Ohio on one of our house-sitting road trips,

and this coming June we’ll be in Glacier National Park as part 2 of our super secret summer plans (SURPRISE! This is how my husband is finding out about our trip to Glacier. He still doesn’t know part 1).

Anyone who reads this blog, knows I’ve wholeheartedly met my goal of petting as many dogs as I could along the way, and I even managed to befriend some cats, llamas, chickens, turkeys, a goat, and a pig.

And, although I have not yet seen a bear in the wild, this past July I applied to be a volunteer at the Churchill Northern Studies Center in Churchill, Manitoba, Canada, for bear season (October and November). I had an interview a few months ago for fall 2018 and my prospects look good for being selected as a volunteer.

As for writing, not only did I finish my first novel, but I wrote another book, started two more, and outlined several more. Those don’t count the picture books I finished. I also submitted two stories to Highlights magazine (no word yet on their submission status) and I submitted a blog post to a major minimalism blog that featured the post in their weekly newsletter sent out to over 24,000 readers. Combined with getting an agent to represent my work, this has been a benchmark year for my writing.

So when I think about my life this past year, I can boil it down to one sentiment. I’m about to break a cardinal rule of writing right now (i.e., avoid clichés), but here goes: WOW! My cup runneth over.

I am so grateful to everyone who has supported me along the way, most notably God who gives me the courage to live life this way and my husband who is also my best friend.

The question still remains, though: if 2018 were my last year on Earth, what would I do differently?

My answer? Nothing. It is with delight and joy that I can say this and feel nothing but enthusiasm and hope for the coming year. I’m going to keep on keepin’ on! And maybe, just maybe, I’m finally going to see a bear in the wild.

Monday, August 21st, 2017

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I recently had the chance to catch up with some of my former colleagues from the University I previously taught at. The school had a peace vigil this past Friday and since I’m in town house/pet-sitting, I decided to attend. I’m pretty disgusted with the events as of late in this country of ours, and supporting peace through lovely words and prayers seemed like a wonderful idea.

Peace

While there, several people made the same comment to me: you look so happy. I consider this compliment to be one of the greatest I can receive, because, truthfully, I do feel happy, and this wasn’t always the case. This past year of living a writer’s life, spending as much time as I can with my husband, and playing with and caring for dogs in exchange for amazing houses to live in, has been such a blessing. I am so grateful at the friends I have made this past year and the opportunities that have presented themselves.

These feelings of joy and gratitude were especially salient yesterday as I walked around a forest preserve. I thought I had been driving to another community gathering of love and peace, but it turned out I had the wrong location. Although that was bad news, the good news was I ended up at Fullersburg Woods, a forest preserve of DuPage County.

For about an hour, I wandered around enjoying the beauty of Salt Creek, before settling myself on some rocks by the Rainbow Bridge to simply be at one with nature. Although I missed the community fellowship I had been anticipating, I couldn’t have asked for a more peaceful way to spend my afternoon. And I wasn’t really alone. Spirit surrounded me, as did the rocks, trees, birds, leaves, and waves from the river.

Walking along the trail on my way back from the bridge, I began marveling at the world around me. Then, it hit me! One of the reasons I think I’m so happy is I’m able to find wonder and awe in the little things. I began thinking of what brings me the most joy in life. Here’s an incomplete list:

Laughing with my husband
Playing with dogs
Talking about dogs with my Mom
Reading a good book
Finishing a draft of a story
Helping someone edit a draft of their writing
Fantasizing about future travels, especially if they can include family and/or friends
Watching funny online videos of animals, particularly bears

It’s good to know these things because right now, there’s a lot of unhappiness and turmoil in the world. Sometimes it can be overwhelming, especially when it’s hard to know what to do in response. What I liked most about the vigil I attended on Friday is that the event was not against anyone or anything. I have often heard spiritual teachers caution against what you give your energy to, such as an anti-war protest versus a rally for peace.

With these thoughts in mind, I am recommitting myself to focus on the things in my life that bring me joy. Selfish and elitist? Perhaps. But I’m going to subscribe to the words of Gandhi: Be the change you wish to see in the world. I wish to see peace and happiness. So that’s what I’m going to be. Let there be peace on Earth, and let it begin with me…one youtube bear video at a time.

Memoir Monday, August 1st (which is really a Tuesday)

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Happy Birthday to my blog! One year ago today I posted for the first time and I am now up to 97 posts. A little bit short of my (overly) ambitious 156 (3 posts a week), but I’ll take it.

Originally, I started this blog as a way to document my new career choice as a writer. I planned on writing about writing (there’s a novel idea [haha, pun totally intended]), as well as featuring some of my fiction writing (Fiction Friday posts), with a dash of other writing as well (poems, one-liners, life lessons from a dog, etc., for Whatever Wednesday posts).

Now a year in, I have more realistic expectations. It turns out there is only so much I can write about writing in any given week. A lot of my Memoir Monday pieces morphed into metacognitive pieces of how I am my own worst enemy in achieving my goals of being a healthy and peaceful person and a productive and prolific writer.

I actually quite like the evaluation process, having conducted program evaluation research for well over a decade, so it shouldn’t be too surprising that I ended up spending a lot of time reflecting on my goals, objectives, and whether or not I am making progress. As I continue writing my blog, I expect the process of what I am trying to accomplish over several different areas of my life, not just writing, will continue to fall to the forefront.

My Whatever Wednesday posts and Fiction Friday posts certainly stretched my creativity and writing muscles. But I often found myself feeling forced to come up with content. Although I am a big believer in having a consistent writing practice, I like to have freedom in the process. Telling myself I had to come up with a thought provoking one-sentence caption for a photograph or another flash fiction story created undue stress for myself and a lot of times I felt a bit resentful because the time and effort it took away from the writing projects that are closer to my heart (my children’s picture books and middle grade novels).

Therefore, year 2 of my blog will not include these outlets for my writing. Over the next few weeks, I will be updating the blog site to reflect these changes. However, at some point I would like to finish my Fox Through the Forest story. For those of you who have read, I feel it is unfair to leave Malcolm the fox and his friends stuck in narrative limbo. I know he has his journey to finish and I want to see him to the end.

It’s exciting to think about where year 2 will take me. A year ago, we were housesitting in Johnsonville, NY, and taking care of a Bernese Mountain Dog, a Border Collie, and a Bordernese mix, as well as two rag doll cats and a barn cat, in addition to goats and chickens.

Rosie

Now we’re on the road in Joliet, IL, caring for an old timer Golden Retriever, a rescued Great Dane, a German Shepherd/Border Collie mix that came from the pound, one cat, and 37 (I think) chickens.

Phyllos Lilu Rafiki

A year ago, I had no completed manuscripts over 1,000 words. Today, I have one complete 41,000 middle grade novel, and a 51,000 word middle grade novel sorely in need of revision. I wrote an additional seven picture book manuscripts. One of them won the top fiction prize in Kidlit College’s picture book contest. As a result, this manuscript is now being considered by five publishers. Plus, I now have an agent who makes me laugh a lot and is supportive of my story ideas.

I am so blessed and grateful to be on this journey. I thank God every day that I had the courage to change the life I was living for the one I wanted to live. I am grateful to my husband who has shown me unconditional love, laughter, and support as we realize our shared visions for life. My parents have also been incredibly supportive and I know they hope and pray for our continued prosperity and success, as do my extended family and in-laws. We have met so many wonderful people along the way and every day we make new connections.

We have no idea where this next year is going to take us, but there is not a doubt in my mind it will be filled with abundant gratitude, joy, love, light, and laughter. I look forward to telling you all about it.

Memoir Monday, December 19th, 2016

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Two years ago today, I broke my ankle while hiking the ancient Inca trail in the Andes mountains.

We were at an altitude of 13,000 feet and I saw a festive blue tanager down in a river bank.

peru-7

Naturally, I jumped down to get a better look and in a classic reprimand of “look before you leap,” which I did not do, my left foot landed on a stone.

First there was a feeling of surprise as I fell over. Then I saw stars. Finally, everything went black. But before I knew it, I came to my senses, hopped up from the ground, and looked around to see if anyone saw me. Thankfully, no one had, and I pretended like nothing happened.

That worked fine for about the next mile. Then the adrenaline started to dissipate and the throbbing pain hit me with every step I took. I don’t know why I couldn’t admit to anyone what had happened. Perhaps because it was an incredibly stupid injury or perhaps it was because I’m one of those people who never liked to ask for help (note I wrote liked in the past tense; I have since given up those silly ways).

After another mile, the pain became almost unbearable and when we stopped for a break I pretended the altitude had finally gotten to me.

peru-8

I asked our tour guide for two aspirin. He told me I didn’t seem to be affected and only gave me one. It did not help.

When we finally got within sight of the village house we were staying at, I almost collapsed from the straight shot up we had for the final ascent. Several hundred feet up a steep hill. It was at that point the tour guide asked me, “Are you okay? You’re limping.”

I had to admit I was NOT okay. After I made it to the village house, I had no energy or strength or stamina to move again. The family took care of me, soaking my ankle in an herbal bath and then wrapping it with an ace bandage.

But the next morning I still could not bear weight on my ankle. I had to be taken down the mountain by emergency vehicle, which in Huchuy Cusco was a horse named Cheero. Cheero had an extraordinary knack for walking as close to the precipitous edge of the trail as possible. To this day, I don’t know which was worse – the physical pain from my ankle or the mental torture of thinking at any moment Cheero and I were going to plummet to our deaths off the side of the mountain.

Hours later, we made it down and we immediately got in a car to head to the next leg of our tour, Machu Picchu. At this point because of the drastic change in altitude, I felt minimal pressure on my ankle and it was almost like nothing had even happened.

So of course I hiked Machu Picchu the next day. I didn’t know my ankle was broken at the time and I would be heading back to the states in just two days. I didn’t want to miss a chance to visit one of the greatest architectural wonders of the world.

I didn’t actually find out my ankle was broken until about a month later when I thought, hmm, shouldn’t the pain have gone away by now?

I went to my primary care physician who ordered an x-ray. I found out it was an avulsion fracture. In this type of break, the ligaments snap so tightly when the ankle is twisted that they take off a chunk of the bone. Thankfully, the doctor said I didn’t need surgery, nor would she put me in a cast because I had already started to heal. I just had to keep a brace on for three months and limit my physical activities.

Talk about a kick in the pants! How was I supposed to do yoga? Or dance fitness? And what about ice skating and hula hooping? These were all the things I did regularly to stay in shape and take care of myself and now I had to stop them.

At first, I contemplated just doing them anyway and suffer through the pain. I had dealt with the pain already for a month. But then I realized if I wanted to keep up with these activities for the rest of my life (which I hope to be long and vital), then I really did have to give myself the time to heal.

I learned a lot during that time, particularly the role cardio plays in my sleep quality. Without it, I had difficulty falling asleep and I would wake up multiple times throughout the night, even more so than because of my narcolepsy.

So as we countdown to Christmas, let us remember that one of the greatest gifts we will ever receive is our physical health. A lot of times we take this gift for granted but it should be one we are most thankful for, especially because we never know when it may be returned to sender.

Memoir Monday, December 5th, 2016

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It’s the most wonderful time of the year! That’s what everyone likes to tell us, but I’m here to affirm it’s not necessarily true.

In December 2012, Ebenezer Scrooge was my role model.

Not only did I “celebrate” Christmas completely alone (I refused several invitations of holiday dinners and family get-togethers), I did not decorate my house or office, I did not buy anyone gifts (that I can remember), and I did not eat a single Christmas cookie. The last one wasn’t by choice, more medical necessity.

For months leading up to that holiday season, I felt overworked and utterly exhausted. My body was no longer successfully processing any food I ate, and I spent my days sick. After invasive procedures recommended by a gastroenterologist found absolutely nothing wrong, an integrative medicine doctor recommended I cut out all sugars, gluten, and dairy from my diet.

As someone who loves cupcakes, I never would have followed such ridiculous advice if I hadn’t been so desperate for something to change. Also, the doctor had excellent logic. Here’s how the conversation went:

Kelly: I’m just so tired. I feel exhausted all the time.

Doctor: Well, what have you been eating.

Kelly: Marshmallows.

In my defense, they were peppermint flavored and I love all things peppermint. Seriously, though, I saw his point and something had to give because of how crappy I felt, literally and figuratively. Here was someone offering me something tangible and concrete to try.

I wasn’t sure if I could do it but I also couldn’t imagine continuing the way I had been.

A lot changed in that following year. My digestive health improved, although it was still what I would deem “poor.” There were many foods I could not eat without experiencing ill effects, including grains, soy, dairy, and most fruits and vegetables. On the positive side, I was getting ready for my sabbatical and feeling grateful I could finally take a break.

When I was in graduate school, I used to fantasize I would be in a car accident – nothing fatal, just enough so that I could lay in a hospital bed and do nothing but rest. I had started feeling that way again the past few semesters at my university job. Yes, I know this is not healthy thinking and something I discussed with my therapist(s) on several occasions. They often encouraged me to quit my job if I was so unhappy, something I didn’t think would ever be possible. What would I do? What would people say? How will I make any money? These are the questions that plagued my mind which discouraged me from making any real changes. Of course, it was also around this time I started meditating. I was looking for other ways to relieve my stress and just happened to get an email inviting me to participate in a Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey free 21-day-meditation challenge on the theme of Desire and Destiny.

Little did I know that would be the start of some truly big changes in my life.

But at the time, while I was able to appreciate some improvements in my life, I was still feeling empty and alone. Having a therapist helped me during this time and I began to understand what I was contributing to these feelings of lack in my life. And, for the first time in a long time, I put up a tiny Christmas tree.

If you had told me next year at the same time I would be in Peru, I would have said you were nuts. That’s exactly where I was though. Two years ago, in December 2014, I attended COP-20, UN Framework Convention on Climate Change in Lima. The invitation happened rather serendipitously but it was one I thought I would regret if I didn’t take it.

It was right around then, I began wondering why I didn’t miss teaching more and worrying that my sabbatical would be over too soon. I still classified my physical health as “poor,” but my digestion issues had improved. My biggest concern was sleep. I had stopped taking my narcolepsy medicine for a variety of reasons, including worsening drug side effects of anxiety and paranoia, as well as post-traumatic stress from an accidental overdose of my narcolepsy medicine a few weeks prior. Since I wasn’t working and I could take multiple naps throughout the day, I managed.

One year later (December 2015), I was in Paris, France, attending COP-21. I had already turned in my resignation as an associate professor so I could pursue my dream of writing. I started writing on a regular basis and I completed several children’s stories and a short story. My physical health was good due to hot yoga and Dailey Method classes several times per week. My diet became much more diverse, and I even enjoyed crepes while in Paris. High quality sleep still alluded me on most nights, but with a good diet and regular exercise I was better than okay.

Now here we are in December, 2016. I’m living in Norfolk, CT, with my amazing husband, and I’m a writer! One of my short stories was published by Outrider Press this past year and I regularly write on my blog (THANKS FOR READING!). I can now eat all the foods I eliminated from diet without too much worry of ill effects, except I’ve gone overboard having spent years not eating these foods and now I need to exercise even more. I can’t really complain, because more exercise helps my sleep which is still meh.

All this to say, as we countdown to Christmas

please remember the greatest gift we can give ourselves is time.

There is no way we can predict where we will be in our lives one year, one month, one week, or even one day from now. Life gets better; life gets worse. And if you happen to be in one of the worse stages, just know that you are not alone.

Memoir Monday, November 21st, 2016

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We are back in Norfolk, CT! My husband I enjoyed it so much here that when our next pet and housesitting job ended up being canceled, we accepted an offer to return for the holidays. But now that we’re back it’s time to set some new goals based on what I learned the last time we were here.

One of the things I’m trying with these goals is to make them S.M.A.R.T.(er) than my previous ones. For those of you who don’t know, I spent several years conducting program evaluation research. One of the keys for measuring success is that objectives must be specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. Here’s what I’ve come up with:

1) Write 6,000 words per week specifically for one of my novels

Rationale: I want 2016 to be the year I start and finish a novel. If I stay on track with this goal, that gives me an additional 36,000 words. Since I already have 35,000 words written for my middle grade novel, this should be more than enough to finish and make substantial progress on some of my other unfinished writing.

2) Attend a weekly writer’s group

Rationale: Writers’ groups are invaluable for providing feedback and connection to other writers. I cannot say enough good things about them and I’ve been blessed to belong to some outstanding ones (Durham Writers’ Group, Schenectady Public Library, United Church of Christ Congregational Norfolk, and SCBWI Eastern CT). Attending a writers’ group on a weekly basis will also keep me writing a variety of projects.

3) Listen to at least one Brandon Sanderson lecture on writing each week

Rationale: From my 8 years of teaching research writing, I have good technical writing skills. Imagination and creativity are also two of my greatest strengths. But after reading Libbie Hawker’s Take Your Pants Off: Outline Your Books for Faster, Better, Writing, I realized I still have a lot to learn about fiction to take my writing to the next level. One of my good friends highly recommends Brandon Sanderson’s lectures and my husband reads his books. Since I write a lot of fantasy, I thought this would be a good fit for me. Plus, he’s got a lot of material freely available on the internet.

4) Read at least five chapters of a novel every week

Rationale: It’s simple – if you want to be a better writer, you need to read. A LOT. This is something I don’t always prioritize, especially when I’m reading a book that has slow pacing. If I can learn to identify the strengths and weaknesses of others’ writing, though, I think this will make me a stronger writer in the long-term.

5) Complete 3 sets of PT exercises every day

Rationale: My right hamstrings, hip, and quadriceps are much weaker than other muscles in my body. I know, weird, because my left hamstrings, hip, and quadriceps are doing just fine. What these weaknesses amount to is, however, is pain. As a big believer in prevention, these exercises should help me stave off any long-term issues.

6) Spend 20 minutes every day on physical exercise

Rationale: I’ve gotten blobby both physically and cardiovascularly. I’m only 39. I should be able to walk up a hill without getting winded. Last November, I LOVED how I looked and felt. I even kept up with my workout routine when I spent two weeks at the UN climate change conference in Paris. I have no excuses. I let myself go by making choices that did not honor my health and body on a regular basis. I will always love myself unconditionally, but that doesn’t mean I won’t hold myself accountable for risking my health in this way.

7) Eat one salad every day that contains at least four colors of the rainbow

Rationale: See points above. We cannot do it better than nature and that includes food choices. I love rainbows, so I might as well start eating them.

8) Meditate twice daily for 20 minutes each time

Rationale: Nothing has improved my life as much as meditating on a regular basis. It started in November 2013 with Oprah Winfrey’s and Deepak Chopra’s Desire and Destiny Meditation series. I started making some real life changes after I started meditating and I can honestly say I’ve never been happier.

9) Spend 20 minutes every day reading or listening to spiritual material

Rationale: With my meditation time, this gives me approximately one hour per day devoted to spiritual health and my relationship with God. In all honesty, I don’t think seven hours a week is actually enough and there have been times when I devoted two hours a day to spirituality. Once I am successful with recreating these life goals as habits over these next two months, I’ll check in to see if I can amp up my spiritual time because time spent reflecting and connecting with God and the Divine is never wasted.

10) Explore someplace new every week with my husband

Rationale: My husband and I like to go on adventures and we especially like to be out in nature. This will ensure that we actually do the things we say we’re going to do. As an added bonus, I get to spend time with my husband and he’s super fun and cute.

So there you go – 10 goals and two months. You may be thinking oh my goodness, that’s a lot! I thought the same thing when I typed the list out, which is why I limited it to only 10 goals (believe me, I could have come up with a lot more). The truth is I do a lot of these activities on a regular basis already; the only difference is now I’m trying to measure and quantify them to help me manage and be more productive with my time. I am confident I can do it! I will keep you posted and in the meantime, please send me all the love and support you can.

Memoir Monday, November 14th, 2016

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At the beginning of September, I wrote about a socialization plan I devised for my time in Connecticut and a little over a month ago I evaluated my progress at the halfway mark. Our initial stint in Connecticut has now ended and it’s time for my final grades – drumroll, please!

1) Spend three days a week writing at the library to get me out of the house

Midterm Grade: F

Final Grade: F

Rationale: In the 63 days that my husband and I lived in Connecticut, not once did I spend time at the library writing. So, not just a fail, an epic fail (I’m giving myself a ZERO).

Reflection: I accept this failure because I learned something valuable – I prefer writing at home. As much as I like the idea of writing at a library or a coffee shop, going to these places require several additional steps in the process, like showering/getting dressed and then walking (driving) somewhere. For a procrastinator like myself, these steps fuel my fire of distraction and before I know it, I’ve wasted a ton of time with nothing to show for it. Thus, getting out of my house from here on out will need to come through other means.

2) Volunteer at the library (that is, if they’ll have me for just two months)

Midterm Grade: F

Final Grade: C

Rationale: I ended up spending my service time elsewhere (see point #3), but my husband and I gave a financial donation to the library before we left.

Reflection: Even though I didn’t write anything at the library, my husband and I spent a lot of time utilizing their wonderful (and free!) resources. We both read some great books, watched some great (in my husband’s opinion; meh in my opinion) movies, and used their printers for personal use. Since we both believe that 10% of our income should go to charity, it seemed like the Norfolk Library deserved a good chunk of what we earned while living there. Money is not the same thing as service, so that’s why I went with a “C.”

3) Seek other short-term volunteer opportunities as they present themselves

Midterm Grade: A-

Final Grade: A

Rationale: In addition to continuing as a social media team member for the Young Adult Review Network, I managed to find some short-term volunteer opportunities as well, including contributing some of my writing to the Norfolk Church of Christ Congregational’s Christmas pageant, donating food to the church’s food pantry, and entertaining children at the Colebrook Community Center’s Halloween party.

Reflection: These small service opportunities are a great way to get out of the house, meet people, and feel like I’m actively contributing to society. I just need to keep my eyes open for them.

4) Attend a weekly writers’ group

Midterm Grade: A+

Final Grade: A+

Rationale: I attended a creative writers’ group every Wednesday and I attended a children’s writers’ group every time they had a meeting (which ended up being three times).

Reflection: I cannot recommend writing groups enough! In addition to being a wonderful opportunity to socialize with writers and get out of the house (which is important to me; see point 1), my stories have improved based on the feedback from the groups. There’s also a lot of utility in seeing and hearing people’s response to your work as you read it out loud. I found both groups using Google searches, but I’ve also used meetup.com. It is my sincerest hope that wherever my husband and I end up wandering to, we will always have a writing group to attend (yes, sometimes he comes with me).

5) Work at short-term, limited employment jobs where I can see my contributions to society

Midterm Grade: B

Final Grade: B

Rationale: It’s official – I love making sandwiches! I think it’s because people truly appreciate a well-made sandwich and appreciation is something I did not experience on a regular basis as a teacher of statistics or research methods. I spent hours editing and evaluating students’ work and most of the time I felt like my efforts were wasted. That is hardly ever the case with working a café!

On the downside, though, I’m still having difficulty managing my time. I started working on one of my novels again (YAY!) but then my exercise fell by the way side (BOO!). Then, there’s Halloween, which certainly did not help my sweet tooth, especially because the library had a huge candy supply, and finally we discovered Dee’s One Smart Cookie Allergen-free Bakery, which may be allergen free, but not sugar, calorie, or fat free.

Reflection: Blargle! I don’t like being dissatisfied with how I treat my body. This is the one body I get for life, so I need to do better at prioritizing it while I’m working. I have a plan for that, though, which I’m going to share next week when I lay out my goals for the remaining two months of the year (and if you have any suggestions/recommendations for my November/December goals, feel free to let me know).

6) Find a spiritual community that encourages self-reflection and growth.

Midterm Grade: C+

Final Grade: C-

Rationale: Although I actively worked on my spirituality and connection to God daily, I didn’t commit fully to any one community.

Reflection: This might have to be something I accept as my husband and I continue wandering around. When you’re only going to be in one place for a set, limited time, it can be hard to motivate yourself to make commitments of this sort. I enjoy connecting with others, especially those who center their lives on love, compassion, generosity, and service. It may be that I modify this goal to reflect a more global community than local one.

Overall Grade: C

Reflection: WOOHOO – I passed! If it wasn’t for that ZERO, I might even have been above average. Oh, well. Gives me something to work towards until the end of the year.

Memoir Monday, October 31st, 2016

Memoir Monday, October 17th, 2016

9 Replies

bear

The other day I saw something move outside from the upstairs bedroom window. I called to my husband, “It’s the bear!” and we scrambled to the window to get a better look, but then we didn’t see anything. We headed downstairs and turned on the outside lights. I put on my glasses because it was dusk and my vision isn’t too keen in the dark. And there it was! No, sadly for me, it was not the bear that’s been spotted around town, but a big, beautiful white-tailed deer. Exciting to see in the front yard, yes, but not what I wanted.

Apparently black bears wander in and around the town of Norfolk, CT, on a regular basis, and everyone keeps seeing them except for me.

I find this wholly unfair because I LOVE BEARS!

When I was three-years old, I fell in love with the polar bear at the Philadelphia Zoo and I have never looked back.

When I started working for a research group back in the early 2000s, I was asked by one of my coworkers to name my favorite wild animal. I said, “POLAR BEAR!” and then she asked me to explain why. I told her it’s because they are white, adorable, fun, and they like to play in the snow. Turns out that was a “psychological personality test” and I just explained to everyone at work how others see me.

For reference, if you want to play this game at home, you can also ask, “What is your favorite domestic animal and why?” That answer determines how you see yourself. My answer to that question was dog, of course, and then I said it’s because dogs are loyal and always happy to see you.

But, I see plenty of dogs every day all day and while this is great fun for me and I would never want to not have a dog to play with, I long to see a bear ambling down the street. One of my favorite children’s stories I’ve written thus far has to do with a bear breaking into to someone’s house to take a look around and unlike many of my children’s stories, this story was not inspired by observations from my daily life (oh, how I wish!), but it came solely from my love of bears.

It feels like every day someone comes into the café where I work and mentions a bear sighting. Someone saw them on Route 44! Another saw one on Maple Ave! Not just one, but a mama and three babies! I know this is a lot of exclamation points, but I’m pretty sure a bear is my spirit animal and it doesn’t seem fair that everyone is seeing them except for me.

To add to my dismay, a regular came into the café just yesterday and complained that someone had let their dog poop in the middle of the walkway. As a big believer in karma, I felt once I knew about such a crappy situation (HAHA, pun totally intended) it was my job to clean it up. You can’t just leave a mess for someone else…only, I’m pretty sure it was bear poop once I got out there. Universe, why must you torment me?

My husband says I have to stop looking for one. Only then, will it happen. I suppose he does have a point, considering that’s kind of how we met. It was early January and I was thinking about the imminent end of my job as an associate professor. I had handed in my resignation October 1^st, 2015, effective for May 31^st, 2016, which may seem like a ridiculously long time but I wanted my university to have plenty of time to find a replacement for me and if you didn’t know, things move at a snail’s pace in academia.

I realized that given the life I was about to start (i.e., writing, wandering, dreaming), I didn’t want to find anyone who was settled with a house and lots of stuff as a potential mate. I had just spent months getting rid of almost all of my belongings. I remember thinking very clearly to myself, what I really want is someone who will travel around with me and go from one housesitting job to another, NOT a person with a house and job in IL. So I immediately stopped looking because I was on my way out of there.

I kid you not, less than one week later I attended a writers group at a local college where the group always goes for a little socialization afterwards at an in-town restaurant. I walked into the restaurant, sat down at the bar, and on my right-hand side sat my future husband. He was in town for work and he had asked his colleagues for a recommendation about where to get some good old-fashioned Chicago Deep Dish pizza.

A few weeks later we eloped in Nashville. So, I think it’s clear I need to do something similar with my bear quest.

I am now putting this out there to all the bears:

Bears, I love you! I long to see you from a distance while you romp and play in the wild. If you could be doing funny antics, that would be awesome, too, and if you give me enough time to get out my phone to take a picture so I can post it in my blog and on social media, I would be ever grateful. Thanks! Love, Kelly

Memoir Monday, October 10th 2016

Kelly Kandra Hughes, PhD

Running across the street right now to pet a dog!

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